This is often said a lot, but seriously, time flies way too damn fast. It’s already my junior year and I can still remember my parents driving me up to Austin to move into my dorm my freshmen year. Those memories are still see fresh and vivid that it’s hard to believe I am going to be a junior in college.
I honestly don’t know if I can say I have made myself happy these past two years. I said goodbyes to the old high school friends because everyone just changes, and was hoping to look for new and better ones. Freshmen year let me spontaneously make new friends. Some I’m glad I have met, and some I wish I wasn’t bonded by some ties. And because of those friends with bonded ties, I once again, push those I’m glad I met further away. Because imagine all those times I would have hung out with them and how much closer we would get instead of hanging with the others.
I wish I hadn’t set my mind on only UT when I was in college. UT was safe. I knew I would have gotten into it because of the automatic admission for too 8% students, it has a good reputation for their education so it satisfies my Asian parents so they can brag about where their child goes to to their friends, and honestly it was where everyone wanted to go. Deep down I knew I wanted to be somewhere in New York. But because I didn’t do enough research of where I wanted to go, wanted to go somewhere that is well known, and did not want to break my parents bank, I decided not to. And I totally regret that now. I still feel like I’m stuck in my high school years. UT is a ginormous school, but it ends up being smaller since it’s only 2 1/2 hours away from where I live and most people from my high school goes there.
I don’t know why but if I’m not in my study room at home, in my ripped up but comfy office chair, and with fluorescent lights, I could not study well. I procrastinated so hard to the point where the only thing that would made me study was a panic attack 6 hours before my exam. I couldn’t adapt to the new environment, and I am still adapting. I needed that comfort of home and the familiarity of it to settle in and study well. This past summer when I took summer school, I had no trouble with studying or too much procrastination. And it sucks that it’s my third year and I haven’t completely adapted. Because of the lack of studying, I did poorly these past two years. Not poor, but in Asian parents standards (and mine myself as well) poor. I knew I could have done so much better, but in the end I knew I deserved the bad grades because I didn’t even put in that much effort.
So, to start off my third year in college, and to spend the remaining two years that I have left at UT, I want to improve myself and improve my surroundings.
1. Freshmen 15 was real. And it hit me hard. I didn’t exactly gain 15 pounds, but I did gain about more than half of that. I’m used to be criticized by my size from my mom, but it was a wake up call when others told me as well. Including my boyfriend who I know won’t leave me if I’m fat, but with other girls looking hot and toned, I do feel a bit of jealousy. I never really eat bad. And if I do it’s once in a while. But my eating habits are bad though. I often eat late at night. So I’m going to start eating a little healthier. Cutting carbs slowly and lowering my sodium and sugar intake. I’m also going to do some intense but very short workouts each day to at least stay in shape and be a bit more toned. I need to stop hiding in loose clothing because honestly I’ve been hiding my jiggles and rolls under those baggy clothes.
2. I will make new friends, and I will stop surrounding myself with those that don’t do much good to me. I’m a very hard person, as in I don’t tend to get along with people because of my poor friend picking judgement. I’ll try to spend less time with them, and branch out and meet new people and rekindle with those who I want to keep in my life. I want to make good memories while I’m in college. I want to take many pictures with friends. I want my Facebook and Instagram to be filled with friends that aren’t in my sorority.
3. I will and need to try harder in school. I can’t give myself any more excuses. I am officially in the major that I like and I need to do my best in bringing my gpa up. I am living by myself this year, so I won’t have any distractions from roommates (hopefully) and everything in the apartment will be the way that I like it. I want it to be as close to what my home feels like as possible.
I hope once I go through my tumblr posts every once in a while I will stumble upon this post to give myself a reminder of the will and strive to better myself as I’m entering my second half of college.
This is honestly really sad you guys. My boyfriend has his friends that he hangs out with every week, and when I’m not with him I’m alone in my house. I don’t know why but it’s just so sad.